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 A Severely Sunburned Man & an Odd Prescription

A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns,

With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, "What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?" The doctor replied, "It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs."

As I sat, strapped in my seat waiting during the countdown, one thought kept crossing my mind .....   every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.

-John Glenn

 

When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land.

They said 'Let us pray.'  We closed our eyes.

  When we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land.

- Desmond Tutu

 

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

- David Letterman

 

I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. I'm a billionaire.
- Howard Hughes

 

After the game, the King and the Pawn go into the same box.
- Italian proverb

  

The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
- Jean Kerr

 

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

 

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
- Prince Philip

 

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
- Emo Philips.

 

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
- Harrison Ford

 

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree.
- Spike Milligan

 

Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke.
- Robin Hall

 

Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.
- Jean Rostand.

 

Having more money doesn't make you happier.

  I have 50 million dollars  but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.

- Arnold Schwarzenegger.

 

We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
- W. H. Auden

 

If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
- Johnny Carson

 

I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very sceptical.

- Arthur C Clarke

 

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.

- Steve Martin

 

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
- Jimmy Durante

 

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
- Doug Hamwell

 

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
- George Roberts

 

If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
- Jonathan Winters

 

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
- Robert Benchley

 

The weather person is the only person that I know, that can be wrong 99.9 % of the time and still have a job the next day.
-Johnny Carson

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers.

One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the 75th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved to Florida.

The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, “And I had a large theater built in the house."

The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL 560 to her."

The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took ten preachers almost 8 years

to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed.

After the celebration Mama sent out her “Thank You†notes.

She wrote: “Milton, the house you built is so huge that I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing, and I’m nearly blind. I'll

never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you so much."

Love, Mama

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.

If facts mean ANYTHING to you, try to prove this is wrong!

The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on this plan.†All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A (substituting grades for dollars - something closer to home and more readily understood by all).

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.

The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame, and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.

To their great surprise, ALL FAILED and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.

These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read and all applicable to this experiment:

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Can you think of a reason for not sharing this?

When one tries to “reason” with a lefty Democrat, remember you are dealing with a person who believes that a man can be a woman and a woman can be a man and that such a delusion should be encouraged, not discouraged. Discouragement of the delusion is considered immoral and bigoted. Thus, our society has unnecessary dilemmas concerning bathrooms, athletic competition at all levels, and “pronoun” controversies subjecting ourselves to all manner of laws, rules, regulation and more needless government control.

Here is a suggestion to break the left’s ridiculous gender ideology and denial of biological reality. 

President Trump should make a declaration that he is identifying as a woman. The left will have to admit the absurdity of their gender ideology or accept and celebrate “Donna Trump” as the first woman President, thus beating Hillary, Liz Warren, Amy Klobuchar, Kamala Harris and Kirsten Gillibrand to the glorious goal of one of their “female firsts”.

Furthermore, if he remains married to Melania he will also be the first gay president and the first lesbian president. He will also be the first lesbian president married to an immigrant! What a most glorious event for the democrats to celebrate.

 I love it when a plan comes together!!!

Marvelous pics of what the Jeep did in WWII!!