An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite ravioli wafting up the stairs.He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen, where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite ravioli.Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the ravioli was already in his mouth. With a trembling hand he reached up to the edge of the table, when suddenly he was smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife."Don't Touch!" she said. "Those are for the funeral."

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The Mrs. Got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, running his hands over their bodies and a little kiss here and there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished ,naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."- "Did you dance much ?"- "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to...."

A father and son went hunting together for the first time.
The father said: "Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be across the field."
A few minutes later the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran
back to his son. "What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet."
The boy, bless his heart, answered;
"Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet.
I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck.
I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder.
I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me.
I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat.
I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching.
But when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said,
"Should we eat them here or take them with us? "
"Well......I guess I just panicked"

A lady goes to her priest one day and says "Father I have a problem." "I have two female parrots and they only have one thing to say.""What do they say," the priest inquired. "They say, Hi, we're hookers, wanna have some fun." "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment. "You know" he said "I may have a solution to your problem." "I have two male talking parrots that I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. And your parrots will learn to stop saying that phrase in no time at all!" The woman agreed to take her two parrots to his house. When she arrived she saw his two parrots praying and holding rosary beads. Impressed she walked over and put her two parrots in with his. After a few minutes her parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers, wanna have some fun?" There was stunned silence. One male parrot looked over at the other one and said: "Put the beads away Frank, our prayers have been answered."

A round watermelon can take up a lot of room in a refrigerator, and will sit awkwardly on the shelves. Smart Japanese farmers have forced their melons to grow in a tempered glass case. This is done while the fruit is growing on the vine....great idea right?

My uncle sent me this,,,,,,,,hehe thanks Gary.

In my many years I have come to a conclussion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.~~~~~~~~John Adams

Niagara Falls was completely frozen in 1911. They say that is the first time it had happened in the last 100 years. Anyway some unusual and rare photos of that event.

My nephew graduates this year. He is quite a nice looking guy ain't he? Just some of his senior pics for you to look at!

Ever seen a garbage bag full of cream corn?? Look up..heheh

Nothing else needs to be said. I don't care what political party you belong to either. This is one of their THREE DAY WORK WEEKS that we all pay for. House Minority Leader Lawrence F. Cafero Jr., pictured standing, far right, speaks while colleagues Rep. Barbara Lambert, and Rep. Jack F. Hennessy, play solitaire Monday night as the House convened to vote on a new budget. The guy sitting in the row in front of these two...he is on Facebook, and the guy behind Hennessy is checking out the baseball scores. these are the folks that can not get the budget out by Oct. 1!! Give me a break. Crap!! This was sent to me by a good friend of mine here in town.

A woman with the two biggest boobs I have ever seen.

Dearest Redneck Son,
I am writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house number so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Bub locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or and uncle. Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down! There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Your Favorite Aunt,
Mom

Some interesting trivia for ya...to ponder. And all are true too. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning. Alfred Hitchcock did not have a belly button. People do not get sick from cold weather, it is from being indoors a lot more. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties. Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute throughout the USA. Babies are born without kneecaps. They do not appear until they are 2-6 years old. The average person over 50 years old will have spent almost 5 years waiting in lines. The toothbrush was invented in 1498. The average housefly lives for one month. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute. The only two animals that can see behind themselves without turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle, built in 1903, used a tomato can for a carburetor. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were cousins 7 times removed. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.

Real pictures at a Walmart....heheh coming to your local Walmart too.

A Louisiana Sheriff stopped at a farm in rural Louisiana and talks with the owner of the farm. He tells the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs." The farmer says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there." The sheriff verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Sheriffs Department with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket and removing his badge. The officer proudly displays it to the farmer. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish on any one's land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?" The farmer nods politely and goes about his chores. Later, the farmer hears loud screams and spies the Sheriff running for his life and close behind is the farmer's bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer. The Sheriff is clearly terrified. The farmer immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs...."Your badge! Show him your badge, Sheriff!!

Verrrry bad day photos....How did this happen anyway?

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us" I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!" The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband, "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance. He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, "No money in the bank." The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?" He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun." The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters, nuns are married to God!" The patient replied, "Then send the bill to my brother-in-law."

Here are some good cartoons for ya!!!

Some very interesting pics for you. The first one is an angora rabbit. The second is a blob fish. The third one is a pink fairy armadillo. The fourth is a yeti crab. The fifth is a sucker footed bat. And the sixth is a left winged ding bat.

The US Airforce is testing a new method to avoid striking birds and damaging their aircraft. The results have been promising. And it works better than a scarecrow!

good stuff from up north.