Now snow in Virginia Beach Virginia!! Incredible...my uncle sent me these pics..Oh uhhh Don was it kinda cool in those pants you got on??

The fruit cellar at the White House.

I finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket. Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bitten. I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp, I released him into the lake without incident, and carried on my fishing with the frog. A little later I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same snake with two frogs in his mouth.

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days. So, the customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?" The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?" The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?' If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?" The clerk says, "Well, no, I probably wouldn't!" With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish because I asked for Polish sausage?" The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."

What post could go without at least several pics from a walmart store heheh!!

The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job. The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this: "Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter of fact, I have! "I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Chryslers and I voted for Obama!


A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?" The man thought a moment then replied, "A martini please." The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had. The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?" The man answered "oh, about 164." The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity', 'inter-stellar space travel', 'the latest medical break-throughs etc. The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tactic. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A Martini please." Again it was superb. The robot again asked "what is your IQ sir?" This time the man answered, "Oh about 100". So the robot started discussing Nascar racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this weekend. The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool...... Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?"?? This time the man drawled out "Uh..... bout 50". The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked, "A-r-e y-o-u p-e-o-p-l-e s-t-i-l-l h-a-p-p-y w-i-t-h O-B-A-M-A?

Snorkeling in Minnesota. Alcohol may have been involved.

How Bad Is It?

The economy is so bad that:
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. I ordered a burger at Burger King and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?" CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names. Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore. Exxon-Mobile laid off 25 Congressmen.

A newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for an entire month." The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the church. When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying, and the husband obviously was very depressed. "You are back so soon. Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired.. "We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly. The pastor asked him what happened. "Well, the first week was difficult; however, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. The third week, however, was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible, or anything to keep our minds free of carnal thoughts. But one afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there," admitted the man. "You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "We know," said the young man, hanging his head. "We're not welcome at Lowe's, either.

A married couple in their early 60 ' s were celebrating their 40th Wedding Anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant... Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, "For being such a wonderful married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish." The wife answered, Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband." The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. The husband thought for a moment: "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than I." The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 93 years old. The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female....

Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Washington DC parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of air and to see the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.He promptly called the US House of Representatives for assistance.The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is speaker Pelosi. How might I help you?""And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St.Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"Speaker Pelosi, considering herself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, that's certainly true, but we are also obliged to first notify the next of kin.

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.' A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead..'



A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's
place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands. The girl has been watching him and says: You must be a dentist....." The guy, surprised, says: "Yes .... How did you figure that out? “"Easy.." she replies, "you keep washing your hands." One thing leads to another and they make love. After it's over the girl says: "You must be a good dentist." The guy, now with an inflated ego, says: "Sure I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out? The girl replies: "Didn't feel a thing."

Rules of the Universe

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. Opportunities always look bigger after they have passed. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. Never lick a steak knife. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads.
Most of us have naively thought this was connected with
tradition or religion, but the Indian Embassy in Washington,
D.C., has recently revealed the true story. When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the
union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot
to see whether he's won a convenience store, a gas station, a
donut shop, a taxi cab or a motel in America . If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with technical customer support.

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans," he replies. "Put them back! We can't afford them," orders the wife. They carry on shopping. A few aisles farther on the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband. "Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife. Her husband retorts, "So does 24 cans of Budweiser, and it's half the price."