THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS.
THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING
LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND
THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.
EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE
IT WAS MAKING HER SICK.. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS
PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT
ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.
THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE
THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE
WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK, GIZZARD,
LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.
SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP
AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS
SHORTS.
SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING
WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC
FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL
HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER
YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD.
ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS
BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER
LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER.
HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND
I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU.'
'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE.
'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS
OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.
BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT> MOST OF THEM BACK IN."
THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING
LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND
THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.
EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE
IT WAS MAKING HER SICK.. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS
PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT
ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.
THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE
THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE
WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK, GIZZARD,
LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.
SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP
AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS
SHORTS.
SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING
WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC
FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL
HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER
YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD.
ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS
BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER
LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER.
HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND
I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU.'
'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE.
'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS
OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.
BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT> MOST OF THEM BACK IN."
Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
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