BAD DAY

A guy is sitting at the bar, just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, "What'cha gonna do about it?" the poor guy starts crying. "Come on man I was just giving you a hard time," the biker says. "I didn't think you'd CRY about it. I can't stand to see a man cry." "This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs. "I can not do anything right. I over slept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me." "When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance." "I left my wallet in the cab I took home." "I found my wife in bed with the gardener and then my dog bit me." "So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison!

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman adn ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" "What a coincidence" said the farmer, "This is a special day for me, I am celebrating." "This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating." said the woman. "What a coincidence," said the farmer, as they clinked glasses he added, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!" "What a coincidence," said the man, "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs." "That's great!" said the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?" "I used a different rooster," he replied. The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, "What a coincidence!"

Conjoined twins walk into a pub in Toronto and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers please. The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, lads?" "Off to England next month." says John. "We go to England every year, hire a car and drive for miles, don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees. "Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country...the history, the beer, the culture." "Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh, Jim?" Jim agrees. "And we can't stand the English, they're so arrogant and rude, not civil and polite like us Canadians." "So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender. "It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."