Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency,
notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said
"Implants?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but
check when you say the paint is wet?


Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a
bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.


Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for
Miss America ?


Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful
man is usually another woman.


You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive
twice.