An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.''Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. It's full of nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer who shot him out of the tree.

MORAL OF THE STORY
Bull shit might get you to the top but it won't keep you there!

I just gotta ask. Don did you really eat all those ribs yourself?

Happy 40th wedding anniversary to Don and Margo.

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Remember when Ronald Reagan was president? At that time, we also had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now, we have Obama and no hope and no cash.

How is it going up there Wisconsin?

Show off heheh!

Do you sell razors here?

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags. Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.) After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

Just so you will know...ain't what is seems!

PUT ME IN CHARGE OF FOOD STAMPS.I'd get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho's, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak and frozen pizza, then get a job. Put me in charge of Medicaid. The first thing I'd do is to get women Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligations. Then, we'll test all recipients for drugs, alcohol.If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, then get a job. Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks? You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your "home" will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and pay for your own place. In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or you will report to a "government" job. It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing, or whatever we find for you. We will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires, and your blasting stereo and speakers, and put that money toward the "common good." Before you say that I've violated someone's rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules. Before you say that this would be "demeaning" and ruin their "self esteem," consider that it wasn't that long ago that taking someone else's money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem. While you are on Government subsistence, you no longer can vote. Yes, that is correct. For you to vote would be a conflict of interest. You will voluntarily remove yourself from voting while you are receiving a Government welfare check. If you want to vote, then get a job. If we are expected to pay for other people's mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.

My daughter just walked into the living room and said "Dad cancel my allowance, rent my room out,throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, stereo, iPhone and jewelry to the charity shop. Sell my car, take my front door key and throw me out of the house". Well she didn't actually put it like that... actually she said... "Dad this is my new boyfriend, Mohammed."

cool looking shopping bags.

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large
plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every
once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag." "Oh, really? Darn it!" "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer," said the little old lady. Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it did you?" "Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you I tried posting a sign and that didn't so then I thought, why not make the best of it? Now, real quiet, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy gets ready too pee through my fence I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.' "Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?" "Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."

A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for her homework assignment. The teacher graded it and the child brought it home. She returned to school the next day with the following note:


Dear Ms. Davis,


I want to be perfectly clear on my child's homework illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint surrounded by male customers with money.
I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint surrounded by male customers with money. This drawing is of me selling a snow shovel.I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Harrington














This drawing is of me selling a snow shovel.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Harrington

National Education Association’s retiring top lawyer, Bob Chanin, speaking at the NEA’s annual meeting in July, 2009: “Despite what some among us would like to believe it is not because of our creative ideas. It is not because of the merit of our positions. It is not because we care about children and it is not because we have a vision of a great public school for every child. NEA and its affiliates are effective advocates because we have power.” “And we have power because there are more than 3.2 million people who are willing to pay us hundreds of millions of dollars in dues each year, because they believe that we are the unions that can most effectively represent them, the unions that can protect their rights and advance their interests as education employees.” “This is not to say that the concern of NEA and its affiliates with closing achievement gaps, reducing dropout rates, improving teacher quality and the like are unimportant or inappropriate. To the contrary. These are the goals that guide the work we do. But they need not and must not be achieved at the expense of due process, employee rights and collective bargaining. That simply is too high a price to pay.” (Soooo let me get this straight. You do not care about the kids and the education. You just care about the POWER! Hmmm. I guess that is too high a price to pay for education. I guess that is what is happening in Wisconsin. It is about the power not about the education. What a shame.

Life in Georgia

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago. Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: " California archaeologists, finding of 200-year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers." One week later, a local newspaper in Pike County, GA. reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Zebulon , Ga. , Bubba, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Georgia had already gone wireless."

Light Beer!!

Gator-Aide anyone?

tap dancers?

Dr. Pepper anyone?

Hmmm something to think about.

THE GHOST OF THANKSGIVING TO COME
“Winston, come into the dining room, it’s time to eat,” Julia yelled
to her husband. “In a minute, honey, it’s a tie score,” he answered.
Actually Winston wasn't very interested in the traditional holiday
football game between Detroit and Washington . Ever since the
government passed the Civility in Sports Statute of 2017, outlawing
tackle football for its “unseemly violence” and the “bad example it
sets for the rest of the world,” Winston was far less of a football
fan than he used to be. Two-hand touch wasn't nearly as exciting..
Yet that wasn't the game that Winston was uninterested in. It was more
the thought of eating another TofuTurkey.
Even though it was the best type of VeggieMeat available after the
government revised the American Anti-Obesity Act of 2018, adding fowl
to the list of federally-forbidden foods, (which already included
potatoes, cranberry sauce and mincemeat pie), it wasn't anything like
real turkey. And ever since the government officially changed the name
of “Thanksgiving Day” to “A National Day of Atonement” in 2020 to
officially acknowledge the Pilgrims’ historically brutal treatment of
Native Americans, the holiday had lost a lot of its luster.
Eating in the dining room was also a bit daunting. The unearthly gleam
of government-mandated fluorescent light bulbs made the TofuTurkey
look even weirder than it actually was, and the room was always cold.
Ever since Congress passed the Power Conservation Act of 2016,
mandating all thermostats—which were monitored and controlled by the
electric company—be kept at 68 degrees, every room on the north side
of the house was barely tolerable throughout the entire winter.
Still, it was good getting together with family. Or at least most of
the family. Winston missed his mother, who passed on in October, when
she had used up her legal allotment of lifesaving medical treatment.
He had had many heated conversations with the Regional Health
Consortium, spawned when the private insurance market finally went
bankrupt, and everyone was forced into the government health care
program. And though he demanded she be kept on her treatment, it was a
futile effort. “The RHC’s resources are limited,” explained the
government bureaucrat Winston spoke with on the phone. “Your mother
received all the benefits to which she was entitled. I'm sorry for
your loss.
Ed couldn't make it either. He had forgotten to plug in his electric
car last night, the only kind available after the Anti-fossil Fuel
Bill of 2021 outlawed the use of the combustion engines—for everyone
but government officials. The fifty mile round trip was about ten
miles too far, and Ed didn't want to spend a frosty night on the road
somewhere between here and there.
Thankfully, Winston’s brother, John, and his wife were flying in.
Winston made sure that the dining room chairs had extra cushions for
the occasion. No one complained more than John about the pain of
sitting down so soon after the government-mandated cavity searches at
airports, which severely aggravated his haemorrhoids. Ever since a
terrorist successfully smuggled a cavity bomb onto a jetliner, the TSA
told Americans the added “inconvenience” was an “absolute necessity”
in order to stay “one step ahead of the terrorists.” Winston’s own
body had grown accustomed to such probing ever since the government
expanded their scope to just about anywhere a crowd gathered, via
Anti-Profiling Act of 2022. That law made it a crime to single out any
group or individual for “unequal scrutiny,” even when probable cause
was involved. Thus, cavity searches at malls, train stations, bus
depots, etc., etc., had become almost routine. Almost.
The Supreme Court is reviewing the statute, but most Americans expect
a Court composed of six progressives and three conservatives to leave
the law intact. “A living Constitution is extremely flexible,” said
the Court’s eldest member, Elena Kagan. “ Europe has had laws like
this one for years. We should learn from their example,” she added.
Winston’s thoughts turned to his own children. He got along fairly
well with his 12-year-old daughter, Brittany, mostly because she
ignored him. Winston had long ago surrendered to the idea that she
could text anyone at any time, even during Atonement Dinner. Their
only real confrontation had occurred when he limited her to 50,000
texts a month, explaining that was all he could afford. She whined for
a week, but got over it.
His 16-year-old son, Jason, was another matter altogether.. Perhaps it
was the constant bombarding he got in public school that global
warming, the bird flu, terrorism or any of a number of other
calamities were “just around the corner,” but Jason had developed a
kind of nihilistic attitude that ranged between simmering surliness
and outright hostility. It didn't help that Jason had reported his
father to the police for smoking a cigarette in the house, an act made
criminal by the Smoking Control Statute of 2018, which outlawed
smoking anywhere within 500 feet of another human being. Winston paid
the $5000 fine, which might have been considered excessive before the
American dollar became virtually worthless as a result of QE13. The
latest round of quantitative easing the federal government initiated
was, once again, to “spur economic growth.” This time they promised to
push unemployment below its years-long rate of 18%, but Winston was
not particularly hopeful.
Yet the family had a lot for which to be thankful, Winston thought,
before remembering it was a Day of Atonement. At least he had his
memories. He felt a twinge of sadness when he realized his children
would never know what life was like in the Good Old Days, long before
government promises to make life “fair for everyone” realized their
full potential. Winston, like so many of his fellow Americans, never
realized how much things could change when they didn't happen all at
once, but little by little, so people could get used to them.
He wondered what might have happened if the public had stood up while
there was still time, maybe back around 2011 - 12, when all the real
nonsense began. “Maybe we wouldn't be where we are today if we'd just
said ‘enough is enough’ when we had the chance,” he thought.

Maybe so, Winston. Maybe so.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..
- W. C. Fields

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal

Our lovely friends at walmart.

The owner of the Phoenix Suns basketball team, Robert Sarver, opposes AZ's
new immigration laws. Arizona 's Governor, Jan Brewer, released the following
statement in response to Sarver's criticism of the new law:
"What if the owners of the Suns discovered that hordes of people were
sneaking into games without paying? What if they had a good idea who the
gate-crashers are, but the ushers and security personnel were not allowed to
ask these folks to produce their ticket stubs, thus non-paying attendees
couldn't be ejected. Furthermore, what if Suns' ownership was expected to
provide those who sneaked in with complimentary eats and drink? And what if,
on those days when a gate-crasher became ill or injured, the Suns had to
provide free medical care and shelter?"
- Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer

She probably has to stay in there until spring.

Keep your eyes on this guy he is awesome!

How would you like to wake up looking at this?

Watch out grandma!