A small zoo in Mississippi obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00? Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions. 1. "First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition. 2. "Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this." The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition. 3. "Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Baptist." Once again it was agreed. 4. And last of all, Bobby Lee stated "You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500.00."

A friend of mine just started his own business. He manufactures landmines that look like prayer mats. It's doing well. He says prophets are going through the roof...

Some parental training needed here.

Another pet owners painted cat. You just cant make this up.

parenting?

Ice sledding anyone?

Georgeous ice sculpture.

Ice sculptures from wayyyy up north thanks Gail!

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says," I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher." As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?" The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving." And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks,"WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??" The officer looks over at the woman and asks,"Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?" "Only when he's been drinking."

Margaret Thatcher on one of her great speeches about Socialism.

A little nip and tuck would not hurt.

(IPT)- More than 80 percent of all convictions tied to international terrorist groups and homegrown terrorism since 9/11 involve defendants driven by a radical Islamist agenda, a review of Department of Justice statistics shows. Though Muslims represent about 1 percent of the American population, they constitute defendants in 186 of the 228 cases DOJ lists. On Thursday, the House Homeland Security Committee holds its first hearing into radicalization among Muslim Americans. Critics have taken issue with the focus on one religious minority, but the DOJ list shows that radical Islamists are disproportionately involved in terror-related crimes. The Investigative Project on Terrorism analysis involved reviewing the Justice Department’s list of more than 400 successful terrorism-related prosecutions from Sept. 11, 2001, through March 18, 2010. Those cases that demonstrated defendants with a clear Islamist agenda were placed in that category, while those without a clear tie to radical Islam were excluded. In some cases, defendants with Arabic-sounding names were excluded from the Islamist category, because no definitive tie could be made. Sorry if ya don't like this but here are the links go and look yourself. http://www.justice.gov/cjs/docs/terrorism-convictions-statistics.html...

Hey another handsome guy!

What a handsome man!

*WOMEN WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE*

Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan , several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands. She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind Their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime,the women now seem happy to maintain the old custom. Ms Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change? The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation Said,'Land Mines.' Moral of the story is (no matter what language you speak or where you go):*BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN*

A 10 year old boy was asked by his mom"What is tomorrow?" He said "It's President's Day" She asked "What does that mean?" He said "President's Day is when Obama steps out of the White House and if he sees his shadow, we have 2 more years of unemployment."

New bar stools.

Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson compared NFL owners’ treatment of players to “modern-day slavery,” according to an online interview published today by Yahoo! Sports. Yahoo’s Doug Farrar, who conducted the interview Friday with Peterson, removed that comment from the story later today, explaining on Twitter that he wants to give Peterson the chance to provide context. “The players are getting robbed. They are,” Peterson told Yahoo. “The owners are making so much money off of us to begin with. I don’t know that I want to quote myself on that.” When discussing other players feeling the same way, Peterson said: “It’s modern-day slavery, you know? People kind of laugh at that, but there are people working at regular jobs who get treated the same way, too. With all the money. … The owners are trying to get a different percentage, and bring in more money. I understand that; these are business-minded people. Oh uhhhh did I forget to tell you that Adrian’s salary for the 2011 season is 10.72 MILLION DOLLARS!

Adain and Bryce. Two of my fantastic grandsons.

People that have their cats painted.

Top heavy.

Lest I say more.

Eyebrows anyone?

Just wonderin' why is it that the government says that every woman has a choice to abort or not but yet the government tells me what type of lightbulb I can or can't use.

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's superrrrrrrrr Gavin.

Tsunami Japan 2011

Tsunami Japan 2011

Tsunami Japan 2011

Tsunami in Japan 2011

cool handbag!

DAYTON — The Dayton Police Department is lowering its testing standards for recruits. It’s a move required by the U.S. Department of Justice after it says not enough African-Americans passed the exam. Dayton is in desperate need of officers to replace dozens of retirees. The hiring process was postponed for months because the D.O.J. rejected the original scores provided by the Dayton Civil Service Board, which administers the test. Under the previous requirements, candidates had to get a 66% on part one of the exam and a 72% on part two. The D.O.J. approved new scoring policy only requires potential police officers to get a 58% and a 63%. That’s the equivalent of an ‘F’ and a ‘D’. “It becomes a safety issue for the people of our community,” said Dayton Fraternal Order of Police President, Randy Beane. “It becomes a safety issue to have an incompetent officer next to you in a life and death situation.” “The NAACP does not support individuals failing a test and then having the opportunity to be gainfully employed,” agreed Dayton NAACP President Derrick Foward. The D.O.J. and Civil Service Board declined Dayton’s News Source’s repeat requests for interviews. The lower standards mean 258 more people passed the test. The city won’t say how many were minorities. “If you lower the score for any group of people, you’re not getting the best qualified people for the job,” Foward said. “We need to work with the youth and make them interested in becoming law enforcement officers and firefighters,” said Beane. “Break down the barriers whether they are real or perceived, so we can move forward in this community.” The D.O.J. has forced other police departments across the country to lower testing standards, citing once again that not enough black candidates were passing. The Dayton Firefighter recruit exam is coming up this summer. The chief said it’s likely the passing score for that test will be lowered as well. (Hmmm so let me get this straight. We lower the test scores because of minorities? Uhhh wouldn't that be a racist thing to do? Okay so hang on hang on hang on heheh. So Eric Holder is in charge of the DOJ right? And what color is he? Hmmm just sayin.)

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank. ' Passenger: 'Who? ' Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time. ' Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds in everybody's life. ' Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy. Cabbie: 'There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right. 'Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then. ' Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman. ' Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him? ' Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank, he died and I married his wife. '

(White House Dossier)- Mrs. Obama was gaining a lot of traction as the fashion icon for the everywoman when all of a sudden she stepped out of the Michellemobile – reportedly Monday – grasping a $1,000 tote bag. It’s a Reed Krakoff two-tone ribboned large tote, and you can get it at Mr. Krakoff’s website for $990, plus shipping I guess. But we don’t worry about shipping. Fedex it, in fact. www.weazelzippers.us.

Watch this video, then look at the picture below of Michelle Obama, then read the article below the picture.

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,
a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day. Here’s why....
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or stupid?'
So I replied,
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at
Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

(Reuters) — Americans’ confidence in the way the country is going has slumped to a two-year low in the last month, and one pollster blamed soaring gas prices. A Reuters/Ipsos poll showed on Wednesday the proportion of people who believe the United States is on the wrong track rose seven points to 64 percent from February, in a fresh challenge to President Barack Obama. It was the highest number of people in an Ipsos poll who think the country on the wrong track since Obama took office in January 2009. The survey comes as many indicators show an improving U.S. economy. Ipsos pollster Cliff Young said the rating was a direct result of gasoline prices that have risen sharply in recent weeks amid tumult in North Africa and the Middle East. “We are moving into a scenario in the near-term that is much more uncertain given the issue of gas prices,” he said. “Gas prices specifically are things that affect people’s pocketbooks and have an immediate impact.”

great pics from up north thanks Brooke.

cool tote bag.