BOTH PARTIES GET OFF YOUR BUTTS AND FIX THIS!

A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object that represented their religion to share with the class.
The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David."
The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary."
The third student got in up front of the class and said, "My name is Tommy. I am Methodist, and this is a casserole."

A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby
"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said.
"No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."
"You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor."
The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."

Is this what you call privacy?

lunch anyone?

At a picnic a Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.
"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?"
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding."


An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.
"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
"The front row, please," she answered.
"You really don't want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
"No," he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No," she said.
"Good," he answered.

I would not want to have been there.

an answer to a history quiz question.

Having a good nap at the airport.

I had amnesia once---or twice
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Is it me --or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

answers to a question about natural history from a student.

Why is it that a child can't read a Bible in school but you can read one in prison?

Irony?

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I go "chunky dunking."

Don't argue with an idiot people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president when there are over 50 that run for Miss America?

I signed up for an exercise class and I was told to wear loose fitting clothes. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing I wouldn't have to be in this class!

My oldest son.

Somewhere over the rainbow. My daughter in law.

OOPS.

As the bus stopped it was this lady’s turn to get on the bus. She became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step but found out she couldn’t. So once again she reached around to unzip her skirt a little more. And of course she could not make the first step. A large man that had been standing behind her picked her up easily and placed her in the bus. She went ballistic and said to the man.”How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!” The man smiled and said, “Well ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly several times, I kinda figured we were friends.”

Grandmas helper.

Catch of the day!

I can't count the years we have been friends.

We also went to a fish hatchery for trout. You can see the trout in the water. This spring puts out 20.4 million gallons of water per day.