An elderly man went to his doctor and said, “Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.” “That's not senility,” replied the doctor. “Senility is when you forget to zip down.”

Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing.? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'