Aaaaaaaaaaah ain't life good?

After playing 18 holes of golf, a foursome was sitting around the clubhouse settling their bets when another golfer stormed in. Fuming after a lousy round, he slammed down his scorecard and announced, "If I wasn't married, I'd give this stupid game up!"

A person of interest found at a local grocery store.

Did you know the saying "God willing and the Creek don't rise" was in
reference to the Creek Indians and not a body of water? It was written by
Benjamin Hawkins in the late 18th century. He was a politician and Indian
diplomat. While in the south, Hawkins was requested by the President of the
U.S. to return to Washington. In his response, he was said to write, "God
willing and the Creek don't rise." Because he capitalized the word "Creek"
it is deduced that he was referring to the Creek Indian tribe and not a body
of water.

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia,he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it? ""Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

Oh this is reeeeal funny.

Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and
dignified woman, as in 'straight laced' wore a tightly tied lace.

As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May
and October) Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads
(because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs
made from wool. They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they would
carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30
minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term 'big
wig.' Today we often use the term 'here comes the Big Wig' because someone
appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every damn minute of it.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.


First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.

I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

The Postal Services created a stamp with a picture of President Obama on it. The Postal Service noticed that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation. After a month of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings: The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the glue. People are spitting on the wrong side.

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... But it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Redneck teething ring and baby chair.

Warren Buffett took to the pages of The New York Times this weekend to proclaim his desire to pay more taxes, something he has done many times over the years. But when Warren Buffett says he should pay more taxes, he actually means he'd like the people he amusingly refers to as his "mega-rich friends" to join him as well. http://reason.com/blog/2011/08/15/warren-buffett-would-like-to-p. NetJets, the private-aircraft company owned by Warren Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway Inc. (BRK/A), sued the U.S. over excise taxes and penalties totaling $642.7 million assessed against the company. The Internal Revenue Service improperly assessed the so- called ticket tax, an excise tax on payments made in exchange for air transportation, NetJets said in its complaint in federal court in Columbus, Ohio, dated Nov. 14. NetJets seeks a refund and abatement of the ticket tax. The company claims in its suit that Congress intended the tax to apply to passengers who use commercial or charter aircraft owned by others. That’s nice. I wonder why the IRS argument that all of this extra taxation will go to feed the starving and clothe the naked and hire more government bureaucrats and union workers isn’t compelling to Berkshire Hathaway? I mean, honestly, Warren Buffett said he’d like to pay a greater share. Why not pay a $642.7 million share right now? Is it perhaps because Berkshire Hathaway could do more with the money than a government agency with an endless budget and no oversight could? Could it be because NetJet doesn’t appreciate having it’s money pried from it’s cold, angry hands and re-purposed for the good of the nation? http://nakeddc.com/. What a hypocrite this Buffett is! All a ruse heheh.

Happy Thanksgiving 2011

Manure... An interesting fact
Manure : In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas of course. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction ' Stow high in transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane. Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' , (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

I know I posted this before but it sure is cool.

Senior camping.

Stupid fools!

The FBI yesterday released its report on 2010 Hate Crime Statistics. (Full text of report.) Of the 6,224 single bias incidents reported in 2010, 20% were motivated by religious bias– second only to racially motivated hate crimes which accounted for 47.3% of the incidents. Sexual orientation bias was involved in 19.3% of the single bias incidents. Of the 1,409 hate crimes offenses motivated by religious bias, 65.4% were anti-Jewish; 13.2% were anti-Islamic; 4.3% were anti-Catholic; 3.8% were anti-multiple; 3.3% were anti-Protestant; 0.5% were anti-Atheism/Agnosticism/etc.; and 9.5% involved various other religions. So much for that “rampant Islamophobia” that is claimed to be happening in the USA. The full text of the report can be read here: http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/cjis/ucr/hate-crime/2010.

My aunt,uncle,and dad at lunch.

Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

Beginners course.

A worshipper goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, 'So what's bothering you, my dear?'
She says, 'Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.'
The priest says, 'Oh, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?'
She says, 'That he did, Father.'
The priest says, 'What did he ask?'
She says, 'He said, Please, put down that damn gun....'

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to Hunt moose. They managed to bag six moose. As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could only take off with four moose. The two men objected strongly. "Last year we shot six and the pilot let us take all and he had the same plane as yours." Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down. Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, the two hunters survived the crash. After climbing out of the wreckage, the two asked, "Any idea where we are?" One hunter replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

back again those people of walmart!

Went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99. 'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.' 'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her. 'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously. 'YES!' stated the waitress. 'I'll take the special then,' my wife said..
'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked. 'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake with them! Don’t mess with seniors.

(Politico) — Two of the world’s most powerful women — Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey — share a make-up artist. “The first lady comes first. When she doesn’t need him, I get second dibs,” Winfrey says in the Washington Post’s recent profile of Derrick Rutledge, who is described as “Obama’s main makeup artist.” Rutledge, who traveled with singer Patti LaBelle for years, started working with the first lady “after Obama’s Chicago artist got tired of commuting to Washington” in 2009, according to the profile. When Winfrey saw the first lady’s look on the cover of Time magazine later that year, she sought out his services as well. So Rutledge, who can make as much as $15,000 a day, juggles both big-name clients in addition to the other stars he beautifies. An East Wing aide told POLITICO that his make-up services are a “personal expense” for Obama. “His schedule is as grueling as that of any White House official in top health,” the Post reports. “Most recently, he flew to South Africa with Winfrey in her private jet, then to Chicago, then to Los Angeles. When the White House summons, he flies back to Washington, even for a day or two, as he did to prepare the first lady recently for promotional videos and the Congressional Black Caucus dinner." Hey Pres. so it is do as I say not do as I do? Why not take some of that dough you got and spread it around to us?
www.politico.com/blogs/click/1111/Michelle_Obama_Oprah_share_a_makeup_artist.html

Idiot!

This is a picture of Michael Moore's house in Michigan. It has a value of over 1 million dollars and the other picture is an aerial view of the house. This putz goes on tv and has appeared at the "OWS" rallies in various cities. Net worth is over 50 million. Hmmm wonder why he doesn't give some of his 1% since he is all for these people, could it be because he is greedy?

Veterans Day is coming up.Don't forget to shake a hand of a vet for his service.

never text and fly!!

Eeewwwww people of walmart

Handsome young man!!

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

If people from Poland are called Poles,
then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

People of walmart rejoice hehehe.

Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence On My VCR?

Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.

I an not necessarily a Cain supporter but this bumper sticker is neat.

Okaaaaaay so let me get this straight.So in Oakland California these "demon"strators were peacefully going about their business supporting the "OWS" protest. But they didn't get their way so now they are destroying buildings with paint and breaking windows. Hmmmm little baby thugs.Gee I am sure now that the other people of the US will listen to them.

BBQ from up north boy do those jalapeno poppers look good surrounded with bacon...yummmm!