Heheheh where is my weedeater?

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

Sitting together on a train was Obama, a Texan, a little old lady, and a young blonde girl with large breasts. The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.. When the train emerges from the tunnel, Obama has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks. The old lady thinks: Obama must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped him. The blonde girl thinks: Obama must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped him. Obama thinks: The Texan must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead. The Texan thinks: can't wait for another tunnel, so I can slap the shit out of Obama again.

Tomorrow morning that is realllly going to hurt.

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.
They had... shared everything. They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little
Old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had
Cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. 'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.' The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears.
Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with Happiness. 'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?' 'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

Crack is whack.

My brother and his wife.

The Princess.

Bryceeeee!

And all the rest of the gang.

My mom's birthday party what a great time we had.

Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his
son, who's a very good carpenter.
-Jared, age 8

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe)'If I register my car in France, and then take it to England, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'

A friend of mine had his 80th birthday this week congrats Bill!!

Help needed in aisle 10!!

Ya think so??

Hyprocrite!!

Need a little help??

Yipppee Kiyooo Kiyaaaa

Brothers in arms.

Riding the bricks!

Actor Robert DeNiro on 3-19-12 thrilled the crowd at a New York fundraiser headlined by first lady Michelle Obama. "Do you really think our country is ready for a white first lady?" DeNiro asked a star studded crowd at Locanda Verde, a restaurant he owns on Greenwich street in TriBeCa. Someone in the crowd shouted "No!"as DeNiro quickly added, "Too soon, right?" (Now I want to ask ya something.We all know this was probably a joke. DeNiro was actually making a remark that the Obamas need to be in the white house another term. However what would happen if a conservative said that? What would they say if a conservative had said its too soon to put a black woman in as first lady? They would have been all over that like stink on dung. A little bit lop sided I think.)

Customer: I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and I can't get through, can you help?
Operator: Where did you get that number, sir?
Customer: It's on the door to your business.
Operator: Sir that is the hours we are open.

Tech Support: Okay at the bottom left side of your screen, can you see the "Ok" button displayed? Customer: Wow! How can you see my screen from there?

Here is another idiot for ya!

Lonely Senior Advertisement: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday let's put our two heads together.

"All great change in American begins at the dinner table."~~~~Ronald Reagan.

"How do you tell a Communist?" "Well it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin." "And how do you tell an Anti-Communist?" "It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin."~~~Ronald Reagan.