This is an old video but it is reaaaallly good.

Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

Idiot

From way up north thankz guys.

In a cemetery in  Hartscombe , England :

 On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.

 The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Gun control awesome!

hey turn up the heat.

You're going to rob who?

BBQ or what?

Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

 Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

 Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal - and someone always answers.
Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Only in America, could they demand the government investigate whether oil companies are gouging the public because the price of gas went up, when the return on equity invested in a major U.S. oil company (Marathon Oil) is less than half of the return of a company making tennis shoes (Nike).

Sir may I date your daughter?

 Only in America, could the government collect more tax dollars from the people than any nation in recorded history, still spend a Trillion dollars more than it has per year - for total spending of $7-Million PER MINUTE, and complain that it doesn't have nearly enough money.

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York, says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second, from Chicago, responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.

There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine..Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.'

A rather elderly gentleman (mid-eighties) walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is very well-dressed,

smelling slightly of an expensive after-shave, hair well-groomed, great-looking suit, flower in his lapel.

He presents a suave, well-looked-after image. Seated at the bar is a fine-looking elderly lady (mid-seventies).The gentleman walks over, sits along-side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, good looking, do I come here often?"

  John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England , cemetery:

 Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,

 Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

In a Silver City , Nevada , cemetery:

 Here lays The Kid.

 We planted him raw.

 He was quick on the trigger

 But slow on the draw.