Two students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second stufent replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first student nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan.
She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, I think I'd throw up.."



Why did your mom marry your dad? My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot. She got too old to do anything else with him. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?"

"No," replied Johnny.

"How could he, with just two worms."

Why did God make mothers?1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.2. Mostly to clean the house.3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How do those dead bugs get into the enclosed light fixtures?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint you have to touch it to check?

Only in America ...could politicians talk about the greed of the rich at a $35,000.00 a plate campaign fund-raising event.

Only in America ...could people demand the government investigate whether oil companies are gouging the public because the price of gas went up when the return on equity invested in a major U.S. oil company ( Marathon Oil) is less than half of a company making tennis shoes (Nike).

Woman and the Fork


 There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and
 had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things 'in
 order,' she contacted.  Her Pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her
 final wishes.
 She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures
she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in.
 Everything was in order and the Pastor was preparing to leave when the
 young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.
 'There's one more thing,' she said excitedly..
 'What's that?' came the Pastor's reply?
 'This is very important,' the young woman continued. 'I want to be buried
 with a fork in my
Right hand.'
The Pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to
 say.That surprises you, doesn't it?' the young woman asked.
'Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request,' said the Pastor.
 The young woman explained. 'My grandmother once told me this story, and
 from that time on I have always tried to pass along its message to those I
 love and those who are in need of encouragement. In all my years of
 attending socials and dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of
 the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and
 say, 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part.
 Because I knew that something better was coming...like velvety chocolate
 cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance!'
 So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my
 hand and I want them to wonder 'What's with the fork?' Then I want you to
 tell them: 'Keep your fork ..the best is yet to come.'
 The Pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman
 good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her
 before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp
 of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like
 than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and
 knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming.
 At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and they saw
 the cloak she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and
 over, the Pastor heard the question, 'What's with the fork?' And over and
 over he smiled.
 During his message, the Pastor told the people of the conversation he had
 with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about
 The fork and about what it symbolized to her. He told the people how he
 could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either.
 He was right. So the next time you reach down for your fork let it remind
you, ever so gently, that the best is yet to come. Friends are a very rare
 jewel , indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. Cherish
 the time you have , and the memories you share. Being friends with someone
 is not an opportunity, but a sweet responsibility.
 And just remember...keep your fork!

The BEST is yet to come!

Having fun up north.