Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my

loyal pet, Dexter the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman

behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that

no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that

I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that

I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes

coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it

works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one

or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete,

(certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled

with my story.) 

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food

poisoned  me. 

I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was

laughing so hard.