Hmmm someone I want to date heheh!!

And for those of you that just love my people of walmart heheh!!

How ingenious!!

Ohhhhh ya it is!

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married - Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara, and of course Opie - all single.
The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk. 

Someone ain't gonna like this hehehe.

Two police officers responding to a domestic disturbance with shots fired arrive on scene. After discovering the wife had shot her husband for walking across her freshly mopped floor, they call their sergeant on his cell phone. 

"Hello Sarge.

"Yes.

"It looks like we have a homicide here. 

"What happened?"

"A woman has shot her husband for walking on the floor she had just mopped."

"Have you placed her under arrest?"

"No sir. The floor is still wet. "

THESE ARE REALLY GOOD!!

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.

 Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen.

 Aleve is also called Naproxen.

 Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

 The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

 After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it

recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of

Mycoxafloppin.

 Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix,Â

and of course, Ibepokin.

 Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in

liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage Â

suitable for use as a mixer.  It will now be possible for a man to

literally pour himself a stiff one.

 Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new

meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good

old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.

 Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast

implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.

 This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population

with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of

what to do with them.

Don't make sense to me!!

good one!!

Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. And bought a mule for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day...
The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."
Curtis & Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already.."
They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."
The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"
Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"
Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"
A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis &Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.
"What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"
They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."
Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998."
The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"
Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back." 
Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.
They're overseeing the Bailout Program.