Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers.

One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the 75th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved to Florida.

The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, “And I had a large theater built in the house."

The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL 560 to her."

The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took ten preachers almost 8 years

to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed.

After the celebration Mama sent out her “Thank You†notes.

She wrote: “Milton, the house you built is so huge that I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing, and I’m nearly blind. I'll

never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you so much."

Love, Mama

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.

If facts mean ANYTHING to you, try to prove this is wrong!

The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on this plan.†All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A (substituting grades for dollars - something closer to home and more readily understood by all).

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.

The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame, and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.

To their great surprise, ALL FAILED and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.

These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read and all applicable to this experiment:

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Can you think of a reason for not sharing this?

When one tries to “reason” with a lefty Democrat, remember you are dealing with a person who believes that a man can be a woman and a woman can be a man and that such a delusion should be encouraged, not discouraged. Discouragement of the delusion is considered immoral and bigoted. Thus, our society has unnecessary dilemmas concerning bathrooms, athletic competition at all levels, and “pronoun” controversies subjecting ourselves to all manner of laws, rules, regulation and more needless government control.

Here is a suggestion to break the left’s ridiculous gender ideology and denial of biological reality. 

President Trump should make a declaration that he is identifying as a woman. The left will have to admit the absurdity of their gender ideology or accept and celebrate “Donna Trump” as the first woman President, thus beating Hillary, Liz Warren, Amy Klobuchar, Kamala Harris and Kirsten Gillibrand to the glorious goal of one of their “female firsts”.

Furthermore, if he remains married to Melania he will also be the first gay president and the first lesbian president. He will also be the first lesbian president married to an immigrant! What a most glorious event for the democrats to celebrate.

 I love it when a plan comes together!!!

Marvelous pics of what the Jeep did in WWII!!

Today, my wife said to me,"Honey, get off your  *#!*&   and fix that gutter downspout!    And, I want it done before the end of the day!”
"Well, as you all know, at my age, and most of my friends, are retired and do have the time to address such "Honeydos"….
So, I invited some of my buddies over to help with the project.
One is a sheet metal worker.
One is an Iron Worker so he came with his welder.
One brought beer and Nachos.
One brought a grill and burgers.
Took us about 6 hours, and 30-40 beers, but we got it done just as we finished off the last of the beer and burgers.
As usual, the wife is still not happy!!
Can't understand, cause all us guys love it!    Personally, I cannot wait for it to rain

A young Arab boy asks his father What is that strange hat you are wearing?
The father said: Why, my son, it is a chechia. In the desert it
protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.
And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?  asked the boy
Oh, my son! exclaimed the father It is very simple. This is a
djbellah. As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very
hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire
Body,
The son then asked: But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?
These arebabouches my son, the father replied. You must
understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are
also extremely hot. These babouches keep us from burning our feet.
So tell me then, Why are you living in Minnesota and still wearing all this shit?, added the boy.

I was sitting at a long stop light yesterday, thinking about what I would do to keep busy during retirement, minding my own business and patiently waiting for one of the few traffic lights to turn green, even though there was no on-coming traffic.

An old Nissan full of bearded, young, loud Islamic extremists shouting Anti-American slogans, with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car, and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, stopped next to me. 

Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to America" and took off before the light changed. Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler truck came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.

For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man?...that could have been me!"So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball,
but you are just too tired to bounce it.

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball,
 but you are just too tired to bounce it.


When people see a cat's litter box they always say,Oh, have you got a cat? Just once I want to say,No, it's for company!


I was thinking:
If only 11 million people have Obama-Care, how will 24 million people die if it is repealed? Will an additional 13 million people be randomly shot?
 I was thinking:
If Donald Trump deleted all of his emails, wiped his server with Bleachbit and destroyed all of his phones with a hammer, would the Mainstream Media suddenly lose all interest in the story and declare him innocent?
I was thinking:
If women do the same job for less money, why do companies hire men to do the same job for more money?
I was thinking:
If you rob a bank in a sanctuary city, is it illegal or is it just an undocumented withdrawal?
I was thinking:
Each ISIS attack now is a reaction to Trump policies, but all ISIS attacks during Obama's term were due to climate change and a plea for jobs.
I was thinking:
We should stop calling them all 'Entitlements'. Welfare, Food Stamps, WIC, ad nausea are not entitlements. They are taxpayer-funded handouts, and shouldn't be called entitlements at all. No one is ENTITLED to them. Social Security and Veterans Benefits, on the other hand, ARE entitlements because the people receiving them ARE entitled to them. They were earned and paid for by the recipients.
 I was thinking:
If Liberals don't believe in biological gender, then why did they march for women's rights ?
I was thinking:
How did the Russians get Debbie Wasserman Schultz and the DNC to steal the Primary from Bernie Sanders? How did Russia get Donna Brazile to leak debate questions to Hillary Clinton in advance of the debates?
I was thinking:
Why is it that Democrats think super delegates are fine, but they have a problem with the Electoral College?
I was thinking:
If you don't want the FBI involved in elections, then don't nominate someone who's being investigated by the FBI.
I was thinking:
If Hillary's speeches cost $250,000 an hour, how come no one shows up to her free ones?
I was thinking:
The DNC is mad at Russia because they 'think' the Russians are trying to manipulate our election by exposing that the DNC is manipulating our election.
I was thinking:
If Democrats don't want foreigners involved in our elections, why do they think it's all right for illegals to vote?

    Bubba and Billy Joe were on vacation, walking downtown, window shopping, and they see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $5.99 each, shirts $1.99 each, trousers $2.49 each"

     Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Joe, Lookee here! We could buy a whole gob o’ these, take ‘em back to Alabama, sell 'em and make a fortune. Just let me do the talkin', 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and not wanna sell that stuff to us.”

Now, I'll talk in a slow Texas drawl so's they don't know we is from Alabama ."

      They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Texas drawl, “I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.99, 100 of them there shirts at$1.99, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.39. I'll back up my pickup and...."  

 "The owner of the shop interrupts, "Y'all from Alabama, ain't ya?"  

 "Well...yeah," says a surprised Bubba. "How come y'all knowed that?"  

 

"Because this is a Dry-Cleaners."

I called an old classmate who went on to M.I.T., and asked how he was doing. He replied that at that moment, he was working on “aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment.” I was extremely impressed.  However, upon further inquiry, I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.