This would be a great home security system.....go to a second hand store and buy a pair of used men's work boots, put them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine. Place a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and the magazines. Leave a note on your door that reads: Hey bubba, Big Jim, Duke, Slim, and I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls...they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think, Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of them in the house. Better wait outside.

Near Fredericksburg, Texas, where there is a large German speaking population, a farmer walking down a country road notices a man drinking from his pond with his hand. The farmer shouted: 'Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen. Which means: Don't drink the water, the cows poop in it. The man shouted back; I am from New York and I am down here campaigning for Obama, I can't understand you. Please speak in English. The farmer replied: Use two hands, you will get more!!